|Stats||Higbys Heroes Stats|
In the late 29th century, the Goons, a terrorist organization and member of the New Conglomerate, was united by the fanatic Admiral Snuggles. Despite having no naval experience, the Admiral told the goons of an ancient NS Engineer by the name of Higby. Higby, he said, was responsible for most of the technology and infrastructure in the war. Though dead for hundreds and hundreds of years, Higby lived on as the machine spirit that runs almost every aspect of the war. In his famous sermon at the Crown, the Admiral delivered the prophecy; "Alright, goons. Higby has spoken to me; we must bring death upon the fascists and the cultists. As a reward, we will be blessed with certs! In time we will-" The Admiral never got a chance to finish his sermon, as a chant erupted among the hundreds of members below him. A massive, earth shaking chant of "CERTS! CERTS! CERTS! CERTS!" erupted, and the outfit was formed.
Higby's Heroes specializes in certification farming. Admiral Snuggles has a sixth sense, and is able to detect certs from dozens of kilometers away. The war follows the certs, and in turn creates more certs. It's certs all the way down. The goons have come to love war and big battles, as they create certs. There are many different flavors of certs, if one looks. The red certs come from the blood of their enemies, the blue come from the life of their allies, and the grey come from the machinery and technology surrounding them. There is a rumor spread throughout the outfit that the best certs follow the fascist warlord known as BuzzcutPsycho, sworn enemy of these cert-crazed rebels.
 Air Goons
The Air Goons were founded one day when an unknown goon provided a suggestion; "I believe Machine Spirit Higby has spoken to me; we've got these flying machines, and they allow us to go real fast and shoot rockets and stuff. Can you imagine the certs when we shoot some fascists up or something? And we could get all the certs from going fast, and..." at that moment, a dense cluster of nanites began to form at his feet, and eventually covered him. The nanites eventually came to be hundreds of meters high and across, and an entire hex was shut down. Eventually they began to spread out again, to all NC air terminals around Auraxis. There was no remnants of the now forgotten goon, although his essence is now spawned with every goon reaver.
 Blue Ops
During the 144th siege of Tawrich, the goon forces were being devastated by what was described eloquently as some "teleportaling invincible vanu bastard." The fight looked hopeless, until from the heavens descended what looked like a perfect man, naked and flawless. He glanced at the hacker and without a thought the hacker was turning inside out, his blood and guts filling the tech plant. The being descended down into the swarm of goons, and was met with cries of "Who are you?" and "Do you got any certs?" The being revealed himself; "I am an NS agent. I am well acquainted with your 'machine spirit.' I cannot reveal my true name, but you may call me by the codename: Agent Ohnjay Medleysay." The leader of the current swarm, known as "2fat," approached him. "So, what did ye come to us for?" The goons learned that they had been fighting for 2 Auraxian months, had lost nearly half a million men, 127 territories, and 2 continent locks. "So what do you suggest we do?" 2fat inquired. Ohnjay Medleysay explained: "You must form an elite force to gain more influence. You tried taking this tech plant with 3% influence, so it captures as what you would describe as 'hella fuckin slow.' Capture the territories around it, and you will gain many certs and victories. This is my advice, and remember, TRIPLE SMEDBUX FOR ALL FOR THE NEXT 24 HOURS!" The goons got some of their less terrible players together and took Tawrich. It worked out pretty well.